Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
