so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
