I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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