i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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