btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
