I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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