The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
