My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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