Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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