i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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