are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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