you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
