I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize