I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize