so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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