I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
