I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
