did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
