How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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