I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
