non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
