Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
