i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
