i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
