yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
