I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You are the jesus of drinking
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
