Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
