New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
