i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
