I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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