a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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