I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
