A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
