i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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