the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
