Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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