i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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