Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
