A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
