another moral hangover. fuck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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