my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
