No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This can only be settled by a dance off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
