You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
