Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
