i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
