I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize