If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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