the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
