did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
