I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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