Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
