There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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