I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
