I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
