so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize