Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
