I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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