# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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