captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
pop tarts are not kleenex
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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