Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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