Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
