i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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