Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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