Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
