im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
