i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
