This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
