How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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