DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
