is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
