Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
