If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
did i just pee glitter
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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