Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
