we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
