can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
