last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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