Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
